Monthly Archive for August, 2009

Parachute of broken things

Having long subscribed to the idea that life experience is crucial to creativity, and that sometimes I’ve needed to fall apart in order to put myself back together in another way, this quote here unsurprisingly really floats my boat.

“I have woven a parachute out of everything broken” William Stafford

And this is how poetry can reach inside of us and pull something out in a different way.

Much of the time I have thought about my past as somewhat shameful and derisive. And surely, to some, it has been that way.

Amidst the shame and guilt around things I could have done better, there is also an awareness of my own responsibility for the way things have been. My history, though at times shady, has given me a unique and shiny attitude to how things are now.

I vividly recall making a deal with the devil and inviting difficult and dark experiences into my life with full awareness of the risk  because (somewhat naively) I was ambitious, wanted to be an artist or a writer, and felt that my middle class upbringing was not interesting enough to fuel this ambition.

Growing up I read biographies and followed life stories. Those of the people I really admired universally involved some kind of deep and soulful suffering or tragedy: think Virginia Woolf (depressed and suicidal), Nelson Mandela (imprisoned for most of his life), William Burroughs (shot his own wife, addicted), River Phoenix (addicted, died on the street outside the Viper Room).

Ok so River was just gorgeous actually, but you get my point.

From this haphazard research I concluded that unless you can make yourself a ‘parachute out of everything broken’ as William Stafford so eloquently suggested, you will surely fall to your death with or without leaving something inspirational and beautiful behind you.

So I’m weaving my little heart out – I’m threading my bad behaviour to my guilt, and I’m sewing a patch of selfishness onto my scrap of fear. It’s really coming along nicely.

And it’s going to be one hell of a parachute.

Bittersweet choices

It’s a world of opposites. The bitter and the sweet, the dark and the light, the green and the red.

I’ve been reading a book called “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor E Frankl. It was originally published in German in 1946.  When it was first translated to English it was called “From Death Camp to Existentialism”.

Now we all know that it’s not what happens, it’s how you respond and what meaning you give it that matters most.  What sets this book apart is its total authenticity.  Victor Frankl has lived, he is a walking testament to his own theory that purpose and meaning and suffering make a person what they are. In fact, he goes so far as to indicate that they are necessary for a satisfying and happy life. We need both  joy and suffering to have meaning. We need the opposites, just as life is based on a system of positive and negative charges, and the universe on the same.

Ultimately we have a choice how we live – and every day we make a spiritual choice with our beliefs and behaviours that in turn alters our experience of life.

“In attempting this psychological presentation and a psychopathological explanation of the typical characterisation of a [concentration] camp inmate I may give the impression that the human being is completely and unavoidably influenced by his surroundings… But what about human liberty? Is there no spiritual freedom in regard to behaviour and reaction to any given surroundings?

“.. The experience of camp life shows that man does have a choice of action. There were enough examples, often of a heroic nature, which proved that apathy could be overcome, irritability suppressed. Man can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physical stress.

“…everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
“…Even though conditions such as lack of sleep, insufficient food and various mental stresses may suggest that the inmates were bound to react in certain ways, in the final analysis it becomes clear that the sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision, and not the result of the camp influences alone.
“…It is this spiritual freedom – which cannot be taken away – that makes life meaningful and purposeful.
“..The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross gives him ample opportunity  – even under the most difficult circumstances – to add a deeper meaning to his life”

Applying this to my day to day life, I make authenticity and truth my idols. And I’m not the only one.

There’s a trend towards eco-labelling that is often misleading, which can cause more harm than good to any brand. (To be branded a liar is an undesirable marketing outcome to say the least – it’s potentially irreparable in terms of good will and customer loyalty.)  See here for an online article on false and misleading eco-labelling.

Of course the reality is that most people won’t look beyond the label, and truly who has time to investigate anything these days?

Similarly with carbon-trading, how authentic is this as an idea?

For a light-hearted approach to this topic see ‘What is Cheat Offsetting?’

“What is cheat offsetting?
When you cheat on your partner you add to the heartbreak, pain and jealousy in the atmosphere.
Cheatneutral offsets your cheating by funding someone else to be faithful and NOT cheat. This neutralises the pain and unhappy emotion and leaves you with a clear conscience.
Can I offset all my cheating?
First you should look at ways of reducing your cheating. Once you’ve done this you can use Cheatneutral to offset the remaining, unavoidable cheating.”

So how to reconcile the beauty of Victor Frankl’s message with the sometimes corrupt world in which we live? How do we live according to spiritual choices in a life that requires us to ‘play the game’ and hopefully win?

We make choices with heart and soul.

We read the labels, the small print, between the lines.

We accept and rejoice and suffer and accept and rejoice and suffer, regardless what life throws at us and how well we can catch.

And we live with the consequences in the sunshine and in the rain, the red and the green, the bitter and the sweet… because we need both to truly and meaningfully live.

One moment at a time

Hoodie Girl #2

Hoodie Girl #2

Here she is, the product of my last few weeks’ brushstrokes – she came out of a friend’s desire for her, cups of coffee with semi-strange men late at night, sleepless midnights and the unstoppable desire to create. She was meant for another, but I love her so much I don’t think I can let her go.

She’s my new Hoodie Girl, and I’m running out of wall…

For now, she’s a stand alone, I’ll not write more until inspired to. For now, she’s just here, looking at the ground, unassumingly existing.